Comfort Zones and Chaos: How to Parent Through a Neurodivergent Parenting Lens
- Tori Flores
- Aug 14
- 4 min read
When the Rhythm Works
For us, the "comfort zone" isn’t about calm music and cozy socks (although…yes, please). It’s when neurodivergent parenting feels like it’s flowing - when our loose routines click, each of us respects the others' needs, and we’ve made enough space (physically and emotionally) to breathe. In the mornings, two of us need quiet. One of us can’t help being loud. And another one just…tunes everyone out. That’s fine. It works.
Everyone has their own chair in the living room. We take breaks from chores when we need them. It's not perfect - but it's peaceful. Predictable. And honestly? That’s everything.
Signs the Chaos is Creeping In
I usually feel it before I see it. My energy dips. My irritability spikes.
Then I notice:
The dishes are piling up
Drop zones are overflowing
The kids start nitpicking
The pets are fighting and barking
I’m one snap away from a full shutdown
Sound familiar? It’s not just clutter. It’s a shift. We’re leaving the comfort zone and heading into full sensory-and-emotional mayhem.
The First Step Back: A Moment for Me
When chaos hits, I don’t go into hero mode - I go find my headphones.
I have playlists for this. A “Chill” mix filled with soulful, calming music. A Praise & Worship list that helps reset my heart and head. I listen alone. And when I’ve finally regulated myself, I can start to decode what’s happening with everyone else.
My daughter might be grouchy because she’s trying to enjoy a show while her brother and dad are chattering and the animals are wrestling on the living room floor.
My son? He’s 16. Family rules are clearly a personal attack.
My husband is probably hiding downstairs because the overstimulation of this place we call home is too much.
And me? I was so far gone, I didn’t notice any of it until my nerves were fried.
Our New Favorite Phrase: “The Llamas Are Panicking!”
Once I’ve re-centered, I’ve started calling a gentle reset. But not with “Let’s talk about our feelings” (which would immediately spark rebellion). Instead, I say:
“The llamas are panicking.”
That’s it. That’s the cue.
It’s silly enough that no one feels called out. But it’s our shared way of saying:
Whoa. Chaos hit. Let’s pause, reset, and start fresh.
We might breathe together. We might take space. We might just laugh - which is sometimes the reset we needed all along.
Traditional Parenting? We Modified That.
Here’s what we don’t do: unlimited screen time. We’ve tried it. It’s a fast track to mood swings, irritability, and emotional dysregulation. Nobody wins.
Instead, we go for natural consequences:
Eat a whole box of cereal in one sitting? That’s all we have until next grocery day.
Forget to scoop the litter box? You’re picking up the poop off the floor, scrubbing the rug, and scooping the litter box now.
Meltdown over a video game? You’re done gaming today.
It’s not about punishment. It’s about responsibility. And sometimes, it means the kids start holding each other accountable, too.
When Neurodivergent Parenting Helps - and When It Doesn’t
In the hardest moments, my neurodivergent brain helps me translate behavior. I can see beneath the surface:
Sensory overload.
Need for control.
Social exhaustion.
Unspoken frustration.
But it’s after I regulate. And truthfully? That part takes time. Sometimes a full day. Sometimes I don’t notice I’m spiraling until I’ve already snapped.
It’s not pretty. But it’s honest.
You’re Not Failing. You’re Learning.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I parent like everyone else? Why is my house always chaotic?” let me say this with all the love:
You are not failing. You just haven’t figured out what works for your family yet.
Chances are, you’re trying to copy what “normal” families do - and it’s not sticking. That’s okay. Be willing to change it up when it isn’t working. Don’t be afraid to look different.
Your family isn’t theirs. And thank goodness for that.
Comfort Zone Win of the Week
This week, my daughter was only assigned to clean the toilet and mirror.
She cleaned the entire downstairs bathroom.
She swept, mopped, wiped down the sink, replaced the hand towel, and even cleaned the doorknob. And the best part? She was so proud of herself. We each got to see what she did and thanked her for her work.
That’s what happens when we stop parenting through pressure - and start parenting through permission, presence, and flexibility.
TL;DR: Neurodivergent Parenting Lens
Comfort zones are predictable, spacious, and built around who your family actually is
Chaos is loud, messy, and often sneaks in unnoticed—but there are ways back
Neurodivergent parenting means you might not spot the signs until you’re already overwhelmed
Natural consequences teach more than punishment ever will
Our favorite reset phrase: “The llamas are panicking”
You’re not failing. You’re just figuring it out. Keep going.
👉 What’s your family’s version of “The llamas are panicking”? Drop it in the comments or email me - I’d love to hear it.
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